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March 15, 2006

Round Two, Double Time

8 months ago I missed taking Zoloft for a couple days and it did not make a difference. Previously if I missed one, I knew it and would feel blah again. I missed more, felt fine, and took myself off.

If you keep up with my blogging, I am sure you have seen more downer posts the last few months. I know I have been feeling it. I noticed the depression earlier this time. Loss of patience, anger, tears, anxiety over any form of failure, and general blah-ness. Last week I snapped at snarled at was not very nice to a co-worker and it was pointed out to me by my office mate. I made an appointment that day with my doctor.

Yesterday was that appointment. We figured out that I was on Zoloft last time for a year, which the Doc usually recommends. She thinks I got over my depression then. Since this is the second time she wants me on medication for 2 years.

I could go to a phyciatrist but I don't think that would much help. I see it going something like this:


How was your childhood?
Good.
How is your marriage?
Good.
How is your life?
A little stressful, but you know Doc, my life isn't perfect. There are things I could do better. I have accepted things I can't change. What I am really tired of is loosing my patience. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of crying. And I don't really have good reasons to feel this way. It all happens and I know I shouldn't be feeling like I do, but I can't stop it.

OK, it probably wouldn't go just like that, but you get the idea. It would be so nice if depression was like a broken bone. You can feel the break, the doctor can see the break, and everyone else can see the cast. You know it is healing, the doctor can see it healing, and one day you don't have a cast.

I know another way to explain it. Think of me as a tea pot. Normally I start my day with no heat under me. Little things happen that may take the burner to a 1 or 2, but it does not stay long. And very seldom does the burner get to 5 and maybe once in a blue moon does it make it to 8. Never makes it 10 or High. But the last few months? I start the day at 3, little things take me to 5 and big things take me to 8. And then things that should not even matter take me straight to High. And the burner takes longer to cool down. Ya, I think that is a great way to put it.

I worry (again) if this is the right thing to do. Maybe I am just looking for the easy way. But I know that is not the case. Something is wrong and I need help controlling the burner.

Posted by on March 15, 2006 08:35 PM |

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Comments

That's the way depression works. It's a chemical imbalance that starts small and can easily get out of control.

If Zoloft works for you, then take it, but remember, it takes a few days to start working, and a a few weeks to wash out of your system, so skipping a few days, you wouldn't really notice a difference, although it is important to take it as directed as much as possible.

Good luck!

Posted by: caltechgirl | March 16, 2006 01:01 PM

Comments

Kind of also reminds me of larger amounts of anxiety. I felt that same agitation that you describe. I was on an anti-anxiety for a while and it worked really well. My circumstances calmed down, so I went off it, but I can still tell a difference in my ability to be more patient then than now.

Posted by: Becky | March 17, 2006 08:04 PM